Stupid Martha

I was pretty excited to prepare our slow-cooker dinner this morning. Dani had practice tonight, so with dinner taken care of - voila, slow-cooker! - we'd be able to eat around 5pm. This is not usually the case. We don't have a set dinnertime, though it is usually around 6:30.

To be a Smart Martha I should have a set time - one thing at a time. Rome wasn't built in a day!

At any rate - I was excited. About dinner... remember? I had it all planned out - which only happens when I actually plan my menu. Another Smart Martha move! And to be honest, I was a little disappointed that Paul would miss out and even Kayla - who was working tonight.

I went downstairs to our freezer to check things out, when I saw "Barbeque Ribs" stamped on the packaging. Wow! How cool?! I went to my favorite recipe site and printed out this recipe. That was my first mistake.

After Mass this morning I was so proud of myself for having remembered to start dinner - I grabbed the ribs from the fridge in the garage [okay, actually Dani did the leg work] and went through the recipe step by step. When I opened the packages of ribs I was floored. They were huge! Okay, now I know that cows are big, right? And when I saw the ribs I thought: well, cows are big - it only makes sense that their ribs are gigantic. I really had envisioned those cute little tasty ribs you order at Roadhouse or something. And, again, I know those are pork ribs... a much smaller animal.

I read the reviews from the first few posters on the recipe site. Most of them loved it. A few said their ribs were bland. Oh, come on. They must be picky. I went with the majority. However, I did add some Liquid Smoke to give it a more barbeque-y taste. I couldn't see tomato soup doing a whole lot for ribs. Go figure.

Let me back up and say: I don't ever remember making, grilling, baking or anything ribs before. Never done it.

You need to boil the ribs for 15 mins first. Disgusting. The smell. The only thing I thought of was Fried Green Tomatoes when the black guy was making his barbeque at the end of the movie. Revenge. Remember that? Could you imagine the smell? I did today.

As I checked on the ribs throughout the day, they looked so disgusting with all the fat sitting on top of the meat that I was going to feed my family - swimming in that vat of tomato soup - of all things! It was gross. I don't care ~ forced hormones or grass-fed ... it was nasty. I was becoming less and less excited about dinnertime :o(

5 o'clock finally rolled around and I told the kids to get ready for dinner. I grabbed the ribs out of the slow-cooker and proceeded to trim all the lard off. I took some pieces here and there to sample. Blah! NO FLAVOR WHATSOEVER!!! And this was 6-7 hours in the slow-cooker, where I painstakingly basted those ^%#%$#!!! :o) so they'd have flavor through and through. Not so.

I got to the 3rd rib started to trim the fat and ... axed my dinner! That's right, I trashed them! I wasn't about to eat them and I sure as heck wasn't going to expect my dear children to either. They did end up having a wonderful dinner though:

Baked Beans

Left-over Store-Bought Macaroni Salad

and Canned Mandarin Oranges

All I could do was roll my eyes when they sincerely said, "Thanks Mommy!"

Next time we buy 1/2 a cow I'm gonna tell that processor, "You can keep your losey ribs!"

Looks like Paul and Kayla made out like bandits this evening ;)

I wish I had taken a picture of them! Then again, maybe my description was enough!