Thursday, October 9, 2008

Stupid Martha

I was pretty excited to prepare our slow-cooker dinner this morning. Dani had practice tonight, so with dinner taken care of - voila, slow-cooker! - we'd be able to eat around 5pm. This is not usually the case. We don't have a set dinnertime, though it is usually around 6:30.
To be a Smart Martha I should have a set time - one thing at a time. Rome wasn't built in a day!

At any rate - I was excited. About dinner... remember? I had it all planned out - which only happens when I actually plan my menu. Another Smart Martha move! And to be honest, I was a little disappointed that Paul would miss out and even Kayla - who was working tonight.

I went downstairs to our freezer to check things out, when I saw "Barbeque Ribs" stamped on the packaging. Wow! How cool?! I went to my favorite recipe site and printed out this recipe. That was my first mistake.

After Mass this morning I was so proud of myself for having remembered to start dinner - I grabbed the ribs from the fridge in the garage [okay, actually Dani did the leg work] and went through the recipe step by step. When I opened the packages of ribs I was floored. They were huge! Okay, now I know that cows are big, right? And when I saw the ribs I thought: well, cows are big - it only makes sense that their ribs are gigantic. I really had envisioned those cute little tasty ribs you order at Roadhouse or something. And, again, I know those are pork ribs... a much smaller animal.

I read the reviews from the first few posters on the recipe site. Most of them loved it. A few said their ribs were bland. Oh, come on. They must be picky. I went with the majority. However, I did add some Liquid Smoke to give it a more barbeque-y taste. I couldn't see tomato soup doing a whole lot for ribs. Go figure.

Let me back up and say: I don't ever remember making, grilling, baking or anything ribs before. Never done it.

You need to boil the ribs for 15 mins first. Disgusting. The smell. The only thing I thought of was Fried Green Tomatoes when the black guy was making his barbeque at the end of the movie. Revenge. Remember that? Could you imagine the smell? I did today.

As I checked on the ribs throughout the day, they looked so disgusting with all the fat sitting on top of the meat that I was going to feed my family - swimming in that vat of tomato soup - of all things! It was gross. I don't care ~ forced hormones or grass-fed ... it was nasty. I was becoming less and less excited about dinnertime :o(

5 o'clock finally rolled around and I told the kids to get ready for dinner. I grabbed the ribs out of the slow-cooker and proceeded to trim all the lard off. I took some pieces here and there to sample. Blah! NO FLAVOR WHATSOEVER!!! And this was 6-7 hours in the slow-cooker, where I painstakingly basted those ^%#%$#!!! :o) so they'd have flavor through and through. Not so.

I got to the 3rd rib started to trim the fat and ... axed my dinner! That's right, I trashed them! I wasn't about to eat them and I sure as heck wasn't going to expect my dear children to either. They did end up having a wonderful dinner though:

Baked Beans

Left-over Store-Bought Macaroni Salad

and Canned Mandarin Oranges

All I could do was roll my eyes when they sincerely said, "Thanks Mommy!"

Next time we buy 1/2 a cow I'm gonna tell that processor, "You can keep your losey ribs!"
Looks like Paul and Kayla made out like bandits this evening ;)

I wish I had taken a picture of them! Then again, maybe my description was enough!


Sara said...

Those kinds of experiences make me feel like a loser mom. Stupid Martha, indeed.

Just a little tip, which you may have temporarily forgotten in your excitement, that fatty things (like ribs and chicken w/ skin) don't do well in the crockpot. Ugh.

But I don't blame you a bit for throwing them out! :-)

Vicki said...

We didn't have a great experience with the ribs on the grill either. The taste was ok, but they were fatty and and chewy. Yuck!

OK, I'll do my best to play your game today - even though you still haven't played mine.

Sarah Faith said...

Oh Dear. My husband went shopping and bought pork ribs b/c they were on sale and I've never made them before. I think I'll use the oven instead of the slow cooker after your horror story. So sorry. I hate trashed dinners so much. Usually happens when I have a brilliant idea that just doesn't pan out.

Shelly said...

but rmbr sarah, these were beef ribs

outdoorgriller said...

That sounds like you had fun.You dont have to boil the ribs you can wrap them in a foil pouch with heavy duty foil twice around to lock in the juices then grill them for about 45 minutes then unwrap then grill for another 45 minutes and baste with your favorite sauce they always come out tender.There are more good tips and recipes at

The Wades said...

what a waste of time!!! i feel for you on this one.

store bbq sauce couldn't have spiced them up a bit? sorry.

Katherine T. Lauer said...

Oh, that's very funny! And then don't we feel worse when the kids like our junky dinner more?